Let Them Eat...

Let Them Eat Pizza!

2011-09-13T18:17:00.000-07:00

What's the best pizza in Los Angeles?

There's probably not a definitive answer to that question, but that's not going to stop us from going on a quest to find out. Waistlines be damned, we're going to explore and rate the L.A. pizza scene on a one to five pizza slice scale, five being the ultimate pie. Why? The same reason people climb Mount Everest: it's there. We'll have two categories: your traditional pizza, and your California exclusive anything goes.

So, let us set out on our quest. Our first stop -- the base camp on our snowy trail -- is Joe Peep's in North Hollywood. It fits neatly into the traditional category.

Despite living only a few miles from Joe Peep's for ten years, we only tried them recently. (Why try anywhere else, when for years we had Albano's right around the corner?) Anyway, after I -- I being Jace -- encountered it at an evening filled with a few of my fellow horror chicks and margaritas, we started ordering from them. I can't speak to the restaurant's well, anything, but their delivery is fast.

Alas, tonight's pizza -- the "Blue Collar" crust, half cheese, half pepperoni and green olives -- inspired sighs of disappointment when we opened it up and saw green peppers where olives should be. The pizza itself is good, with a nice thin crust. Nothing that's going to blow you away, but I've had much, much worse. We dinged them for overuse of oregano, a foul in anybody's book.

VERDICT: Three slices!

Toxic Shock

2011-08-21T18:51:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of things to be scared of in the world today: the seemingly neverending recession, war in the Middle East, the fact that in order to be a Democrat you have to have your balls clipped off, the threat of having another Texas governor in the White House. But you know what you don't have to fear? Imaginary toxins.

I'm not saying to go drink antifreeze or bathe in mercury or gargle lead paint. Those are real toxins, the kind of things that come with warning labels and should be handled with care or avoided altogether. I'm talking "toxins." The ones that everyone in L.A. seems to be getting rid of through juice fasts or cupping sessions or colon cleanses. "My head's so much clearer now that I got rid of all of those toxins," they'll announce. What toxins? I wonder. Have you been working in a coal mine? Did you time travel to the Industrial Revolution? "Oh, you know," comes the answer. "All that wheat and white sugar."

You know what gets rid of toxins? This marvelous thing called YOUR LIVER, assisted by the Power Twin magic of YOUR KIDNEYS. That's what they were designed to do. Really! I mention this to people and get a sad shake of the head in response, as if I'll never understand. "But all that buildup from (shudder) medications and dairy...plus the air is so bad here."

Well, if you're so scared of Western medicine, high fructose corn syrup and artificial colors I highly suggest you time travel back to the early 18th century when ALL vegetables were organic, they didn't have any of these horrible medicines to treat everything from depression to strep throat, and people lived to the ripe old age of 40 if they were lucky. As for me, I'm going to go have a Twinkie...or what do you call the ones that are chocolate-covered?

Oh, and a big congrats to my buddy Jeffrey Reddick on the umpteenth Final Destination movie come and make money out! You done good!

for more info

http://skeptoid.com/episodes/4083

Where Have All the Old Punks Gone?

2011-07-10T18:56:00.000-07:00

Punk rock made me who I am today, and that's a good thing. It taught me a sense of community, caring and the DIY philosophy: don't wait around for someone to do something for you, just do it yourself. The bands I listened to back then were very important to me. They were a big part of my life: I admired them, looked up to them and rocked out to them. I can't stress enough how much I cared about these bands and the people who were in them, even though I didn't know them personally and had only seen pictures of them in Flipside or Maximum RocknRoll. I want to use this blog to give a shout out to some of the lesser known bands who deserve credit for making great music and helping me be a better person.

The Zero Boys: One of the best bands, punk rock or not, that ever existed. Period. They were tight, catchy, smart, good players, good lyricists, etc etc etc -- I could go on and on. From what I can tell from looking online, The Zero Boys may still be playing out occasionally, and have a page on Facebook. If anybody knows how the band members are doing personally, let me know. These guys were so great yet unfortunately got so little recognition. I truly hope they're happy and living satisfied lives -- they deserve it.
76% Uncertain: Another great band. I wore out their album "Estimated Monkey Time." Songs like "Blackout" and "Coffee Achievers" really embodied everything that was good about punk . By the way, I haven't heard the song "Blackout" in ages. If anyone knows where I can get a copy of it, let me know. And once more, I hope all the band members are doing well.
Uniform Choice/Unity: Fast, hard, cool, West Coast straight edge. As far as I can tell, these were basically the same band with a couple of members switched out. The Unity 7 inch -- God, I can't remember the name of it, but it had "You Are One" and "Breaking Through" on it -- awesome shit! Sounded to me like if Minor Threat weren't straight edge and wrote all their songs jacked up on crystal meth. The lead singer's name was Pat Dubar; he had a great voice and wrote awesome lyrics. If anyone knows how they're doing, let me know.

OK, I'm going to put this post to an end and continue in a day or so. Again, if anyone has an update on any of the bands leave a comment or contact me and let me know how they're doing. And if any of you guys out there haven't heard their music, search it out, play it loud and rock!

(Don't you love how non-punk the Zero Boys' outfits are? I guess hardcore fashion sense hadn't reached Indianapolis yet.)

My Letter to My Congressman

2011-06-19T18:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Representative Berman,

I understand that it must be a lonely time in Congress for you, Mr. Berman. Having to dutifully vote against all the wacky destructive Republican bills and not being able to get very many progressive Democratic bills to the floor for a vote. But please -- we need a jobs bill! People need to get back to work. There must be something that can be done to put people back to work, whether it's a New Deal type WPA or some kind of tax subsidies that would ease unemployment in our part of California.

I'm a screenwriter by trade, and I realize that on the Federal level bringing up a movie-friendly bill would have as much of a chance as trying to legalize heroin. But the more people work, the more money is in their pockets, and the more people will go see movies -- and more importantly, it will greatly increase Obama's chance for re-election. If the President or the Democratic congress do not get a solid jobs bill going, we could wind up with some nutcase like Rick Perry or Michelle Bachman running the country -- and hell, in that case, I'd rather live in Greece.

I urge you to act with great urgency and timeliness. You know how much is at stake. I don't want to live in a country with no public education, huge tax breaks for billionaires, and the right to unionize stripped from us completely. If something big doesn't happen soon, we will live in a country where gays can't marry or serve in the military, women aren't free to choose their reproductive rights, and nobody has a job. Sound fun? I think not.

Yours truly,

Adam Gierasch

Is the Internet Good for Horror? Or Is It Just Me?

2011-05-30T21:10:00.000-07:00

Is making B movies less fun now than it used to be?

When me and Jace first got a chance to write our first movie CROCODILE, it was exciting and cool but we also knew we were making a low budget film that we wouldn't get rich off of. So even back then we had slightly mixed feelings about it. But overall we were writing a movie that was going to be directed by Tobe Fucking Hooper and getting paid for it! We didn't worry about reviews or the nasty comments people would make about it on Bloody-Disgusting. As a matter of fact, I don't even know if there were horror websites back when we made it. There probably were, but we didn't know about them For the first 4-5 films we wrote that were produced, we weren't members of any horror scene and didn't care what our fellow writers and directors thought at all.

But then, in came the Internet. Stomping with loud boots and followed by a horde of fellow filmmakers, fans and journalists that we now think of as friends and peers. Being a part of a community was great -- but it was only around 2005 that we learned our little films were getting reviewed at all. We were, and still are, growing as writers. And it's during the writing of TOOLBOX MURDERS that we really started to get self-conscious. That we really started to worry about what "they" would think.

Since then I've become a director, and I've become more and more self-conscious about what other people think -- so much so that I don't even read the reviews any more. (Believe me, there are a lot of them. The bad ones hurt a lot more than the good ones make you feel good. It's also the bad ones that you remember.) Everyone has opinions: some smart, some dumb, some just a matter of preference. I just keep wondering whether or not putting yourself out there to be eviscerated online later makes the whole filmmaking process less fun than it used to be.

Don't get me wrong: I don't want to sound whiny. As far as I'm concerned, I have the best job on planet Earth -- but I am human, and I do worry and get down on myself. So what do you think? Does the world of online horror news and websites make it harder to do our jobs? Is this something that affects horror writers and directors more than people in other genres? Or do you delight in reading your imdb comments? Please let me know! As hypocritical as it sounds, your opinions do matter to me.

Bourgeois Problems

2011-04-25T19:40:00.000-07:00

We're middle class. Sometimes upper middle class, sometimes just plain old middle class. And while we would certainly like to make more money, it's hard to say that we're not generally comfortable, even on those hard months when we have to scrape by just to pay the mortgage. I hope our economic situation doesn't get worse, but in these hard times you never know. So here's a list of problems that people like us should probably be thankful for...i.e., problems of the bourgeiosie.

Being upset that the gardeners destroyed one of the vines in your treasured passionflower collection.
Getting really pissed off because the pause function for your on-demand movies is glitchy.
Feeling guilty that you didn't rescue a drowning mole from the swimming pool because you thought it was a rat.
Getting ticked because the steamer function on your espresso machine isn't working.
The overarching fear that your housecleaner will happen upon your sex toys.
Getting pissed off that the air conditioner in your guest house isn't powerful enough.
Being upset that HBO East isn't in high definition on Time Warner cable.
Bemoaning the fact that Netflix's streaming fast forward function sucks.
Living in the Valley and having to drive to a meeting in Culver City at Sony.
Forgetting to pay your agent their 10% commission for the last job that they got you.
Having to pay an extra $20 a day to board your dog at "Double Dog Dare Ya" instead of a regular kennel that doesn't have a doggie playground and webcams.

--Adam & Jace

The Modern Drive-In

2011-03-28T21:08:00.000-07:00

I miss drive-in theaters, in a kind of marginal nostalgic way. No. I never really liked seeing movies in a car. But the idea of it is sort of romantic.

But let's take a look at the way things are now. Instead of the drive-in, we have Netflix streaming. You can find any number of strange genre films that you didn't even know existed there. And much like drive-in fare, most of them aren't very good.

Now, let's look at the pros and cons of Netflix vs. the drive-ins.

Big screen. This goes to the old drive-in. No matter how big a plasma TV you have, it just ain't gonna compete with a real movie screen.
Sound. Gotta go with Netflix on this one. A tinny speaker stuck on your window mixed with the tinny sounds of many other speakers all around you does not equal 5.1.
Variety of films. Once more, Netflix without question -- and you can actually pick what you want.
Being in the great outdoors. Well, the drive-in wins this -- but I've never equated seeing movies with being in the great outdoors, so maybe this shouldn't even be a category.
Romantic potential. My TV is in my bedroom. The few times I've been able to get it on with a chick in a car, I'd wished I was in a bed. Is there any place more romantic than a bed? I don't think so. So, this one goes to Netflix.
Snack Bar. I'll give this one to the drive-in. When you're watching movies at home, you actually have to make popcorn -- which can be fun, but usually just involves putting a bag in a microwave for 90 seconds. And any drive-in would have more snack variety than my kitchen.
Social aspect. My TV is in my bedroom, so I only watch movies with Jace. I don't like having a TV in the living room because then it's always on, and no one talks when they come over to visit. For a drive-in, you'd have a bunch of people jammed into the car (but would you really want to talk during the movie?) Then there was always the possibility of going over to another car and visiting friends or meeting new people. Looks like the drive-in wins.
Audience reaction. Both suck. Maybe you can hear people screaming in other cars, but the odds are it's not from the movie (more likely, lack of lubrication).

So to wrap it all up, I like nostalgia as much as the next guy. I like convenience as much as the next guy, too. I do not think that the drive-in experience was the ideal movie experience at all, nor do I think that watching movies at home is the best. Movies are always best seen in a movie theater, where you do get audience reaction, you do have 5.1 sound, and you do have a big screen. Theaters are truly the land where dreams come true.

New Blog, New Title

2011-03-27T21:51:00.000-07:00

We've changed the blog title so I can ramble on about all different kinds of weird subjects and not just be limited to horror films. Don't worry -- I still love them, I always have, I always will, and I will still write about them. But the world seems like it's getting more and more complicated and I feel like I want to spew out my thoughts and ideas on a whole host of subjects: from film to politics to Brazilian jiu jitsu/ultimate fighting to Italian and French cooking (will you guys PLEASE stop oversaucing your pastas?! Trust me, you don't have to drown your noodles completely in thick tomato sauce for them to be yummy.)

These are anxious times, and I'm an anxious guy. I do my best to channel this into my writing and directing, but sometimes -- as matter of fact, a lot of the time -- at about 11 o'clock at night my demons start to come out. Whether it's my insecurity -- trust me, I've got lots of it -- a fear of the future, or a worry that I offended someone I didn't mean to, eleven pm is the anxious hour. If you don't believe me, ask Jace. I'm sure she'll fill you in. Just when she's trying to go to sleep, I go off on some diatribe about whatever impending disaster I feel is heading my way, whether it be Hollywood bullshit, a new dreaded disease that I'm sure I have, or the fact that in that given moment I think I suck at everything.

There are some things I think I can do that can help prevent the eleven o'clock demons from coming out. Brazilian jiu jitsu can be a lot of fun and certainly reduces stress. I like fighting, and it's a good way to get my aggressions out. However, sometimes at eleven at night I start worrying about that, too. I'm not good enough. Someone with a lower belt status than me tapped me out. That must mean I really suck. Medication can help, but then you're taking pills. And you start to worry, "am I taking too many? What if I get addicted?" (I have a history with this.) So they don't always work.

People told me to try yoga, but I'm not very flexible and the idea of tying myself into pretzel shapes just doesn't seem that fun. Being agnostic, God can help sometimes -- other times, well, He's not there. (That's the problem with being agnostic.)

It's probably best just to put on a long, slow movie like CHINATOWN (love Polanksi) or read a book and try to forget my worries and go to sleep. I guess I'm lucky I don't dream that much.

P.S. I know a lot of you guys will just say, "Adam, relax, just jerk off and get over it." My response: "Harder to do when you're married."

Best Films of 2010

2011-01-16T20:36:00.000-08:00

Hey, it's Adam. Here are my favorite films of 2010. Before we go any further, the only rule is this: I can't personally know any of the creatives involved in making the film. This is a tough one -- it's a small town. But, I'm not that popular, so it sort of works out. It does, however, eliminate a lot of horror films -- especially ones with L.A.-based writers and directors. If Jace knows somebody who made the film, it doesn't matter for this list.

10. The Killer Inside Me

Mean, nasty Jim Thomspon film noir about an absolutely psychopathic baby-faced killer (played beautifully by Casey Affleck.) This movie really warmed my icy heart!

9. The Town

Once more, I love gritty crime thrillers -- can't get enough of 'em. This one was absolutely yummy.

8. A Serbian Film

At first I thought this was just going to be a shocking-for-shocking's sake, "ooh, let's push the boundaries and break the rules" film. You know what? I was right -- but it was still a lot of fun. And I don't care what anybody says, the ending was intentionally funny. Well, I laughed.

7. The Fighter

I was a huge fan of Mickey Ward, and I remember seeing the original HBO special about crack when it first came out. Plus, David O. Russell, Mark Wahlberg and Christian Bale are all in top form. Who doesn't love a good boxing film?

6. Winter's Bone

Almost perfect acting and filmmaking: this is a film that is almost impossible for me to criticize at all. It makes you really never want to visit rural Missouri.

5. The Social Network

Who woulda thought a movie about Facebook could be this entertaining? David Fincher rocks.

4. Black Swan

I wish I was this good a director. It's sort of like if you put Ken Russell, Argento and Roman Polanksi in a blender. Wow. Just wow. (Note: Jace went to school with Aronofsky but I've never met him, so this one is still eligible for the list.)

3. The Kids Are All Right

Who woulda thought I'd love a lesbian dramedy this much? I did.

2. Splice

Just utterly fantastic. Sarah Polley is one of my favorite actresses, and boy can Vincenzo Natali write and direct. Early Cronenberg lives again -- and we're much better for it.

1. Blue Valentine

Any movie that has the power to make my wife sob for ten minutes after it's over and ask if our love will indeed last obviously has a huge amount of emotional impact -- and isn't that what's it all about? This one is real, raw, truthful and acted and directed with absolute perfection. Warning: this is not a first date movie. It'll make you feel like you've been through an emotional meat grinder.

OK, that's it! I reserve the right to change my mind in the order and/or content of this list, but looking back it was a very good year for independent movies with emotional balls.

Small, Dirty Theaters

2010-10-28T18:57:00.000-07:00

We've been thinking a lot about independent horror and the state of the theatergoing experience in general these days. And high school.

Perhaps we should explain. Let's look at the wide and wonderful world of cinema. Now think of it terms of high school (try to do this without getting a bad case of PTSD.) The huge films that gross hundreds of millions of dollars? Those are the cheerleaders and varsity football players: sure, they may be interesting, but they don't stand out. Teachers may wish some of them were a little brighter (you know who you are), but they don't rock the boat. Not so with independent horror. No, indie horror -- with its transgressive elements, dark outlook and/or outlandish gore -- are the outcasts. The kids smoking pot in the parking lot, punching in lockers and creating weird art projects that freak the school board out.

Where do the cheerleaders and football players hang? The big, multiplex cinemas. They're usually playing big, multi-million dollar movies (often in 3D) for big ticket prices. That doesn't mean they can't be a lot of fun -- hell, I liked AVATAR. But small, independent, quirky, dark or gory films have a hard time finding a home here. They just don't fit in.

Let's remember, though, that in most big (and not-so-big) cities, there are small "arthouse" theaters that play much more obscure fare. Our last two movies had small runs in limited theaters -- and it was a hell of a lot of fun. In the last year, I've driven by and gone to theaters playing such films as Lars Von Trier's ANTICHRIST, HUMAN CENTIPEDE, Gaspar Noe's ENTER THE VOID, I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE and WINTER'S BONE. None of these films would be described as mainstream fare -- and many of them play unrated.

So what's the problem? We fans don't go see them. We filmmakers consider an arthouse run second prize. So here we are, the rebels and outcasts, wanting to hang with the cool kids. Fuck that! Do you really think a dark film like HUMAN CENTIPEDE is ever going to play next door to TOY STORY 3? Of course not -- but it's been doing just fine in small theaters for months, proving that there are plenty of people out there ready to sit in a dark room with like-minded perverts, watching three people crawl around with their noses in each others' asses for an hour and half.

So let's support the arthouse theaters. Put a 40 in a paper bag and watch the blood fly. Meet up with your friends and let your local arthouse theater know that if they show dark, edgy and independent horror, you will come. Don't get lazy and say you'll just catch it on DVD or worse, download it illegally on some bit torrent site. Support these theaters now, when you have the chance -- because if we don't go, they will eventually shut down, leaving the cinematic landscape much less rich.

You want unrated? Go see it where it thrives -- in the arthouse theater, where ENTER THE VOID and ANTICHRIST have found homes. (Let's face it -- "R rating" and "clitorectomy" really don't belong in the same sentence. Hey, someday maybe we'll do a mainstream movie and hang at the multiplex -- until then, you can find us at the NuArt, Laemmle's Sunset 5, the New Beverly and the Cinematheque. And when they show A SERBIAN FILM, we'll be there.

Waxing and Waning

2010-10-05T16:02:00.000-07:00

Hi there, readers! Jace here, posting to our long-neglected blog.

I’m thinking about bikini waxes. There. I’ve said it. Brazilians, Playboys, landing strips, you name it – I’ve got them on my mind. And it has everything to do with NIGHT OF THE DEMONS.

Let me explain. There’s a scene toward the beginning of the movie where three of the female characters (including Bobbi Sue Luther's Suzanne, pictured above) drink and talk. The subject? Bikini waxing. Now, a very interesting thing happened when Adam and I finished the script and showed it to some of our fellow horror screenwriters. “It’s not realistic,” I heard. “Women don’t talk to each other that way. This scene shouldn’t even be in there.”

I heard the same criticism when we were editing: women don’t talk that way. I’ve gotten the comment from fans. Several critics have singled out the scene, saying the dialogue sounds like it was written by some horny and/or lonely guy fantasizing about how women talk. (I always laugh at that – after all, the last time I checked I had ovaries.)

You want to know the really interesting thing about these complaints? I’ve only heard them from men. Not a single woman has told me that the conversation was unrealistic. In fact, they tend to laugh with recognition.

Here's where I got the inspiration for the scene: in line at a frozen yogurt shop. Three young women in front of me – they had just graduated from high school – were comparing notes on the best place in my neighborhood to get a bikini wax. “The place I go is great,” one announced. “They don’t make you get on your hands and knees.” (Sorry, ladies – I eavesdropped hard, but missed the name of the salon. I’ll get back to you on that.)

Let me repeat: this conversation happened in line at a frozen yogurt shop.

I’d tell this to the guys who didn’t think the scene seemed real. “I’ve had conversations like these, too,” I’d insist. (Believe me, war stories get passed around.)

They’d look at me doubtfully, like maybe I’d been imagining the whole thing. Maybe I was just a lone weirdo who talked about…that. “Really?,” they’d ask. Then they’d shake their heads. “Nope. I just don’t buy it.”

It’s an odd thing sometimes, being a woman working in the male-dominated world of horror films. I’ve been the lone female at many a horror writer/director gathering, and I even once had a director say that I seemed “too nice to write horror.” But I have to say that few things have been as weird as having men insist to me that women just don’t talk that way – even when I’ve actually had the conversation we’re debating.

News flash: we know how we talk. There are lots of us who love horror passionately, who debate new releases and old classics with as much gusto as the guys – and more of us need to be writing and making horror films.

As for NIGHT OF THE DEMONS, check it out on October 19. Tell me what you think of the scene – if you’re a woman, have you had a similar conversation? If you’re a guy, do you believe it?

Oh, and if you know of a better pain reliever than aloe vera, let me in on the secret.

What have you been up to lately?

2010-04-25T19:46:00.000-07:00

Thought I'd give you guys an update on how things are going for us professionally. The good news is, we are currently employed -- which these days is a cause for celebration. A while back we were hired to write a cool horror movie called HELLVIEW. It's a gory and suspenseful movie about....nah. I'm not going to spoil it.

I've also been finishing up post on FERTILE GROUND, a creepy little ghost story I made for After Dark. It's pretty good, and something very different from AUTOPSY and NIGHT OF THE DEMONS. Anyway, that should be coming out relatively soon as part of the After Dark Originals series. One cool thing about FERTILE GROUND is that it's a script that Jace and I wrote a while ago and never thought it would be made, even though we both loved it.

Hey, Jace here now. First post to this blog, and I figured this one was a good one to hijack halfway through. I'm really psyched about FERTILE GROUND -- the story idea sprang from an image I had and the female protagonist, Emily, is one near and dear to my heart. My fingers are crossed that some of you will like it as well!

Adam back. Look for NIGHT OF THE DEMONS in a theater near you on September 23rd. I can't wait for people to finally see that -- it's just pure horny-horror-party-punk rock fun, and it has the soundtrack of my dreams.

Other than this, we've just been speccing and pitching and all those wonderful things that go with trying to make a living in this crazy business.

Blood, guts and pussy,

Adam G

The Asia Argento Syndrome

2010-04-22T20:43:00.000-07:00

When you move to Hollywood and try your hand at writing, directing or acting, one of the first things you'll find is that there is a truly strange barometer when it comes to what is and who are viewed as successful. The first movie that Jace and I ever were paid to write was CROCODILE, directed by Tobe Hooper. We weren't paid very much, and it was a rewrite -- but still, it was Tobe Hooper! We're talking the guy who directed TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, POLTERGEIST, FUNHOUSE, etc etc etc! I mean, who wouldn't view that as a great first gig?

The answer is, well, us. We were as proud as hell to be working with Tobe. We even thought the movie might turn out to be pretty good (it didn't, and that's partially our fault). But because of the low amount we were paid, we didn't feel like it was a "real" job. If you think this is one of the most mind-blowingly stupid things you've ever heard, you're right. And the lesson is, do not let Hollywood, what you read in websites and magazines, and what your friends think determine what you feel "success" means. Asia Argento didn't.

I think we can all agree on one thing: Asia Argento is hot. Those of us who watched her in her early Italian horror films all thought she was a goddess. Now, I don't know Asia. I don't know what she wanted her career path to be or if she's satisfied with where she is now. I only met her once, and that was briefly on the set of MOTHER OF TEARS. But it's very clear to me that when Asia was offered the keys to the kingdom, she said "no." After XXX, she was on the cover of Rolling Stone as the new "it" girl. She could've had it all: fame, lots of money, avoiding paparazzi, and all that other stuff that comes with being a rich and famous movie star. But it seems very clear that she didn't want that -- she had her own path and her own view of what success is.

I've known lots of people that I thought could've been huge in movies. A chick I went to college with, Carol Oldham, was a good actress and absolutely gorgeous, and I was pretty sure that if she were to move here and start auditioning she could have made it pretty big. However, Carol decided to do small theater projects and work for the Sierra Club -- that's where her priorities were, and she should be applauded for it. There's many more out there like her.

So please, if you're doing something creative and it makes you happy, enjoy that. Whether you're Cree Creepersin, who makes cool little ultra-low budget indies, or Neil Marshall, it is up to you to determine what you define as success. If you want more, go for it. If you're happy with where you are, or want to change directions altogether, it's up to you and nobody else.

The Times, They Are A'Changing

2010-03-31T20:47:00.001-07:00

So I've never been much of a Bob Dylan fan (always more of a Misfits and Motorhead kind of guy), but truer cannot be spoken for the state of horror films. Times are tough but far from hopeless. In the next couple of weeks, I'll be writing a lot about how we can still make our scary celluloid dreams come true. But for now, I'd like to say a few words about love.

Me and Jace have been hitched for about eight months now -- and I can happily report that it has made no difference whatsoever in our relationship. I still love her so much, and she's still my best friend. We're still writing horror movies together. I thought I would post our wedding vows for your amusement and as a sign of hope for good things to come. So here's what was spoken during the "I do" part of our wedding. Enjoy.

Jace, if Adam tells you he needs his own space, do you promise not to stalk him relentlessly and boil Goblin in a big pot to gain his attention? Do you pledge that, if you and Adam stumble upon the secret headquarters of a French group devoted to discovering the secrets of the afterlife, you will not insist on spending the night there, thus allowing the turban-wearing elderly Frenchwoman leader of said group to arrive and strip all of Adam’s skin off of his body? Do you promise that you will always get a bigger boat? Do you promise that, even if a group of women tell you that the underpass is always safer than the street, that you will not use the underpass?

Adam, should Jace break her promise and use the underpass and something vile and unwatchable happens to her for eight and a half minutes, do you promise not to go to the nearest gay leather bar and bash in a random stranger’s head with a fire extinguisher? Do you promise not to chain Jace to the bed and break her ankles with a hammer if she stops working on a script? Finally, no matter how sweet and convincing the old couple next door is, do you promise not to let them conjure the devil and impregnate Jace to further your directing career?

The Test

2009-06-17T09:04:00.000-07:00

Guys, Women & Horror: How to Find the Right Chick For You

First of all, let me admit: when it comes to finding a girlfriend, I am not an expert. Before I met Jace, I was on a long dry spell -- literally years in the desert. So, keeping that in mind, as well as the fact that this blog is written entirely from a guy's point of view, let me continue. (I'm sure Jace will write her own blog to rebuke what I'm about to say.)

Growing up, I didn't know too many chicks that were into horror, blood, guts, movies by David Cronenberg, George Romero, etc. I distinctly remember one time after hanging a poster of a mangled, burned-up Jason Voorhees on my wall, a friend of mine came over and said this would send the wrong message to girls -- and they would probably run screaming from my apartment (if I ever got them there.) I took this bit of advice perhaps a bit too seriously, failing to realize that any girl that was so turned off by a poster on my wall that she wouldn't want to have anything to do with me was not the girl for me.

So as I grew older, I decided that if any girl was going to tolerate me for any length of time, they would at the very least have to tolerate my aesthetics. I devised a plan. On me and Jace's first date, I showed her a scene from "Legend of the Demon Womb" -- the one with the Nazi rape machine. Maybe it was because Jace really liked me, maybe it was because it was a cartoon, but she didn't run screaming from my apartment. And now, 14 years later, we are still together and actually finally getting married.

Since then I have refined the test. My advice is, if you like a girl and you think she likes you, show her a double feature of "Cannibal Holocaust" and "Irreversible." If she's still sitting next to you when the credits roll at the end/beginning of "Irreversible," you can rest assured that she is the chick for you.

I know some of you are going to feel this is too harsh an initiation -- and it is. Maybe you think you should start her on something softer like "Rosemary's Baby" or even "Dead Alive." But no -- with that approach, it could take years to build up your potential mate's tolerance. I say unload both barrels: give her the darkest shit possible. You'll figure out pretty quick if she's the one.

P.S. Following this advice probably only has a 25% chance of getting you arrested -- but trust me, it's the way to go.

Blood, guts & pussy,

Adam G

Me and Horror, Part One

2009-05-17T21:03:00.000-07:00

When did I start liking horror? That's a hard question to answer. My guess is I was probably about 4 years old and living in Tallahassee, Florida when I (or my parents, I don't remember) turned on the TV and there was this guy in a shiny silver suit battling a fierce-looking lumpy reptilian creature. It was about the coolest thing I'd ever seen. The show was "Ultra-Man," and I fell in love with it immediately.

Now, I never much liked the silver suit dude -- but those creatures he fought, woo boy! Boy, I always hoped he'd get his chrome-plated ass handed to him by those cool monsters. He never did. It's still a fact I regret to this very day.

Well, anyway -- Ultra Man led to Godzilla, Rodan, Mothra, Gamra, Gidra and the Smog Monster. I could not get enough of those Japanese men in suit movies. And as a kid, I loved the way they kept upping the ante on these movies. DESTROY ALL MONSTERS was like the ultimate multiple orgasm. From then on, I'd watch anything with a monster in it. My choices were limited to what played on TV, but fortunately once my family moved to Ithaca, New York we started to get Channel 11 WPIX -- and they showed a lot of cool 50s monster movies. I loved REPTILICUS (having seen it recently, I really don't know why.) But my favorites were THE DEADLY MANTIS and TARANTULA.

A few years later, I discovered the magazine "Famous Monsters of Filmland." I thought it was so cool, but didn't particularly like the jokey captions underneath the photos. (I took my monsters seriously.) Needless to say, my parents didn't much like my taste. See, I come from a fairly academic family -- my dad's an astronomer/astrophysicist, and my mom's a shrink. And I'm sure it was my mom who seemed to think that my love of ugly creatures had something to do with my self-image and self-worth. Aw, fuck that. I love my mom, but my inner reasons for liking these kinds of things have always been mysterious to me -- and I prefer not to analyze. Some people like pretty things and cute and fluffy bunny rabbits, but I liked lizards, snakes and monsters -- and I never really thought twice about it.

So I kept watching these movies, kept finding new favorites, and found some that were too damn scary for me to cope with. HORROR EXPRESS traumatized me -- I had bad dreams about blood and fluids running out of eyeballs for years. I probably haven't seen that movie since I was ten or eleven, but at that point it was the most horrifying, scary and traumatizing movie I'd ever watched.

The next turning point came when one day in 1979 I went to Mayer's Smoke Shop (our local magazine store) to get the new issue of "Famous Monsters." I bent down on my hands and knees (they always put these on the lower shelves) and started searching, when -- holy shit! I found a new magazine. One that would alter my life completely. It was "Fangoria" Issue Number One, and I'd found my people. I knew then that I wanted to direct horror films someday. I devoured every issue of Fango -- I distinctly remember reading the same article with John Landis in it about AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON ten times before I got bored of it.

Hold on, I'm getting a little ahead of myself. It was Fangoria that got me to go see FRIDAY THE 13th when it came out in theaters. For all my love of giant monsters and everything else, I'd never really seen one of these movies in a theater -- and let's just say I wasn't emotionally prepared. When the kid leaped out of the water and grabbed the chick in the canoe, I was so startled it felt like I had died. (My dad didn't really like this either -- the movie was rated R and, being a good father, he was my guardian that night.) I shook for three days.

In 7th grade my friend Jonathan and I made our own horror movie. We called it THE LAWN CHAIR MASSACRE. We shot it on Super 8 (of course) and it consisted of us crudely trying to emulate those Tom Savini blood tube gags on Jonathan's sister's friends. We never developed the film. My next magnum opus was an 8th grade school project. I conned my teachers into letting me "write" (ie, made up as I went along) and direct an originally titled slasher film, FRENZY. I did this completely unaware of the '72 Hitchcock film. Ah, youth. I even did a cool stop motion title sequence using chalk, a blackboard and some red food coloring. (That film somehow never got developed, either.) I think I passed the project on enthusiasm alone. If either Jonathan Kramnick or Matt (I think that was his name) have these films, please let me know.

Soon, names like "Romero," "Carpenter," "Hooper," and "Cronenberg" were as familiar to me as the names of my friends and family. As a matter of fact, these directors whom I had never met or corresponded with felt like family. And in a lot of ways (while it's much more complicated now), they still do.

After I graduated from high school, I went to Bennington College, where I entered my arty stage. I started listening to a lot of Dead Kennedys, Minor Threat, and The Misfits and reading William Burroughs, Hunter S. Thompson, Jim Carroll and Hubert Selby, Jr. I still saw all of the horror movies I could and majored in drama, still hoping to direct them someday -- but I have to admit that at this time I was more interested in taking drugs, listening to punk rock and trying to get laid. This would all change when I moved to Los Angeles...TO BE CONTINUED

Blood, guts & pussy,

Adam G

Intestinal Fortitude

2009-05-15T22:12:00.000-07:00

It feels like I've been using this blog to shout out my opinions on the entertainment industry with an emphasis on what I know: horror. My past blogs have been about explaining the inner workings of our business to the fans. In the future, I definitely want to write more about my specific opinions and thoughts on my favorite horror films and maybe some of the techniques that we use to try to scare people. But I feel I need to write now about toughness.

This business is hard. Being a filmmaker who makes their living doing their craft is a real bitch sometimes. It's emotionally draining, mentally exhausting, and physically -- well, to tell you the truth, you don't have to move around that much, unless your idea of exercise is driving from the Valley to Burbank or Culver City.

I moved to Los Angeles in 1991 to pursue acting -- at least that's what I said I was going to do. Directing was my real goal, but I had no idea how to get into that part of the business, so I thought "Acting! I don't need to know how to type. I was a theater major in college -- how hard could it be?" The answer was REALLY FUCKING HARD. I took acting classes. Got headshots taken. Did plenty of showcases (where actors supposedly perform in front of "industry professionals," but in truth the place is filled with our friends and other people we've corralled into coming.)

Five years later, I got an acting agent. A year after that, my first role (in a horror movie called "Asylum" starring Robert Patrick and Malcolm McDowell -- I don't even think it's out on DVD Yup, that's me on the poster there). A year later, I got another part: a couple of lines on "America's Most Wanted." Thank God by this point in time I had met Jace -- and in 1997, we started our first script.

Two years later, we got a writing agent. A year after that, our first writing job: we had a week to rewrite the script to "Crocodile," which was directed by Tobe Hooper. And the rest is, shall we say, history...at least on imdb.

My point in all this is that I moved to L.A. in 1991. It took me almost 10 years to start making a living in this business. But I can say with a lot of pride (and a little disbelief) that I made it through the hard times and kept trying. It's not just me, either: almost all of my fellow horror filmmakers have gone through something similar. They might not have been as dumb as me -- to try to use acting (one of the most difficult jobs there is to make a living at, period!) -- as a bridge to writing and directing, but they've all had their own struggles. Mike Mendez (THE CONVENT, GRAVEDANCERS) and Dave Parker (THE DEAD HATE THE LIVING, THE HILLS RUN RED) started in lowly positions at Full Moon Entertainment. It took them a long time to get their break. Everybody else I know -- from Scott Kosar (TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, THE MACHINIST) and Stephen Susco (THE GRUDGE) to Hans Rodionoff (LOST BOYS 2) and Jeffrey Reddick (FINAL DESTINATION, DAY OF THE DEAD) -- spent years working in odd jobs (production assistant, executive assistant, lifeguard) and writing script after script after script before they got their chance.

And still, every day, it doesn't get any easier. My life is still filled with many more disappointments than triumphs. My point here is that it takes a long time and a lot of work to even be marginally successful in this business. So if you want to be a filmmaker (writer/director/producer), be in it for the long haul -- because it takes a long time. Overnight success stories are the exception, not the rule -- and most of them, when you look close, aren't that "overnight" at all. It's not impossible to make a living in this business. It can be done -- and you can do it. It just takes a lot of work.

You may have noticed I haven't mentioned anything about "talent." This is because I believe that we're not born with it -- it's something we also have to work hard to achieve. And honing our skills is the most important part of the journey.

Adam G

Straight to DVD

2009-05-02T18:40:00.000-07:00

The question that comes up the most, whether on Myspace or Facebook or from the clerk at Blockbuster or from the person dressed in zombie makeup at a Fangoria convention, is "Is it going theatrical?" I'd like to think that this is an innocent question by people who really like to see movies in theaters, but it always seems to have a loaded connotation. Things that go direct to DVD are bad, movies that come out in theaters are good. While there is some truth to this, it is certainly not an absolute -- and these days, it's definitely NOT the way that we all should be thinking.

Let's get one thing straight -- movie theaters are the best places to watch movies. They have big screens, good sound systems, and, well...they're movie theaters. It's obviously a lot more immersive an experience -- not to mention the fact that you're in the dark, surrounded by people having a like experience, all hopefully feeding on each other's emotions. Like I said -- fuck, they're movie theaters...and as filmmakers, that's where we all want our movies to be shown.

Unfortunately, these days most horror movies come out -- without much fanfare -- on DVD. Once more, this is for primarily economic reasons. To put a movie in wide release in theaters costs a minimum of $15 million -- usually a lot more. Most horror movies are made for under $5 million. It doesn't take an economic genius to figure out that putting a low budget horror movie in wide release in theaters is highly risky. It's not hard for studios or investors to make their money back if the movie's budget is low and it comes out on DVD. However, if it takes $15 million to put a $3 million horror film on 2500 screens and the opening weekend makes less than $8 million, voila -- you've got yourself a flop, and a lot of people just lost a lot of money. Most big theatrical horror movies have budgets between $12 and $30 million -- this equals high production values (known actors, great sets, big special effects), so the only way they CAN make their money back is to put it in wide release.

It should be noted that there are exceptions to this rule -- SAW, CABIN FEVER, OPEN WATER and the THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT being prime examples. We all root for this to happen. But let's face it -- it's rare. Hundreds of low budget horror movies are released every year -- and maybe -- MAYBE -- one gets a big theatrical release.

So what's all this mean? Don't expect low budget horror films to come out on 3000 screens. It just doesn't happen often -- nor should it. In order for a film to appeal to the masses, it can't be that edgy, risky, sloppy or bloody -- and that's what we all like from a good horror film. Was MARTYRS at your local multiplex? What about FRONTIERS? Or my personal fave, BAD BIOLOGY? Are any of these films not worth watching because they went straight to DVD? (Actually, in BAD BIOLOGY's case it hasn't even made it to DVD...and I certainly wouldn't expect it in a multiplex anytime soon.)

In another note of interest, EVIL DEAD, HALLOWEEN, NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET and the original DAWN OF THE DEAD were all extremely low budget films. Most of them would now probably go direct to DVD. Let's give some of these smaller direct-to-DVD films a chance -- there are hidden gems out there. I was really impressed recently with SPLINTER. My buddy Dave Parker's movie THE HILLS RUN RED will be out (on DVD!) in October, I think. It's bitchin', so check it out.

Let's all just come to the realization that small low budget horror films will be viewed mainly on our home theater systems. This isn't bad...you can pause to go to the bathroom, after all. Get a drink from the fridge. Or just because a chick has absolutely amazing breasts. Direct to DVD should not be a stigma. It just takes a little more work to find, but there's great shit out there. As horror fans, let's support the genre, and not pick on the little guy. I like to think of us as a big family.

On a personal note, the last couple of films I've been involved with -- MOTHER OF TEARS and AUTOPSY -- both got very limited theatrical releases, but most people saw them on DVD. I was grateful to be able to watch them in a theater, but most people didn't get a chance to see them that way. All of the other films I've been involved with as a writer went straight to DVD. NIGHT OF THE DEMONS is due for a bigger theatrical release in October -- all I can be is grateful. Tonight I'm going to watch THE COTTAGE -- it went straight to DVD.

Blood, guts and pussy,

Adam G

In Praise of Darren Bousman

2009-04-12T21:07:00.001-07:00

I don't really know Darren. I've been in the same room as he has many times, I've watched movies with him, but we've never really spoken with each other. Funny how these things work.

When I first heard that Darren was making a sci-fi/horror rock opera, I said "What?" and followed that up with a blank stare. Now, that's not exactly the career move you usually see from a director whose last three films have grossed well, let's just say oodles of money. Usually at this point in someone's career, they go big studio Hollywood in a big way. Generally speaking, the money is just too much to resist. But no -- Darren Bousman decided his next picture would be his passion project, and an ambitious one at that.

I began to hear news about Repo. Bill Moseley had been cast. An actor from Buffy the Vampire Slayer would be playing the lead. And Paris Hilton would be acting in it along with Ogre from Skinny Puppy. All of these things struck me as truly eccentric, albeit creative, choices. And I kept thinking to myself, "Good for Darren -- go for it man, go for it!" I even heard a rumor that he was even putting in some of his own money to get the project off the ground. This, my dear blog readers, defines "balls."

What I heard next was that they were shooting in Canada and that Joe Bishara, my good friend and composer on both Autopsy and Night of the Demons, would be producing the soundtrack. All very exciting.

Months later, Repo was done. The trailer hit the net, and everybody seemed primed for a big theatrical release. However, this was not to be the case. For reasons unknown to me, the movie would be going direct to DVD. I'm sure this news broke Darren's heart. He took about as many chances as a filmmaker can take, and his reward was, well, not what he expected.

So what did he do? Crawl into his bedroom and cry? Talk about how the studio had quote-unquote "fucked" him? Bemoaned and cursed Hollywood and the motion picture industry in general? That's probably what I would have done.

No -- Darren decided to put the movie in theaters himself, and travel around the country on the Repo Road Tour providing the fans (and by this point, there were many of them) with a true chance to see the movie as it was meant to be. The next thing you know, people were singing along, dressing in costumes, and making each Repo screening an event.

This is punk fucking rock. He didn't roll over and die -- he did it himself. Fuck yeah. Years ago when I sang for a punk band (we didn't get signed to a label), we put the records out ourselves, sold them at shows, gave them away and just generally tried to get them out there the best we could. This is what Darren did on a much bigger level. These things generally don't happen in filmmaking. You do what the studio wants, and you move on to your next job.

Darren Bousman deserves much praise. The man is stubborn, bullheaded and as I said before, has a huge pair of balls (probably made of titanium).

By the way, what did I think of Repo? I had mixed feelings. I loved the idea of it, I thought the cinematography and set design looked great, and it had a nice energy about it. But I have to admit the story lost me a few times. I found the mythology to be a bit convoluted and confusing. (After an organ is repossessed, does it get put into someone else?) I tend to be more of a straight punk rock/metal guy, so some of the songs weren't to my taste.

But one man's opinion doesn't matter -- the important thing is, Darren Bousman did the right thing, and it should be a lesson to us all. Let's not let the powers that be determine our own self-worth -- we can, if we try, get our films out there, whether they're multi-million dollar epics or shot-on-handheld video camera zombedies (comedy/zombie movies). I think all horror fans and filmmakers should keep this in mind. If a movie isn't viewed as "commercial," we should all do our best to get it into theaters -- or hell, get friends with big screen TVs to play it, throw parties and support our films and our friends' films. We horror fans are a community -- please, let's not forget that.

Adam G

Remakes, Adaptations and Other Truths of the Modern Horror Movie

2009-03-12T22:23:00.000-07:00

"I'm so fuckin' sick of horror remakes."

"NO! [Insert name of film here] is a classic! It's never going to be as good as the original! They shouldn't even try!"

"Why do they keep remaking these fucking things?!"

"Doesn't anybody have any original ideas anymore?"

These are all comments that you hear whenever you visit any of the big horror websites, whether it be ShockTillYouDrop, Bloody-Disgusting, Fangoria or Dread Central. Some of the comments are very serious, others definitely aren't. But here's the truth when it comes to remaking classic and not-so-classic horror films: right now, they're just more marketable.

In the modern film business, name recognition is king. When people are putting up millions of dollars to make films, they want to limit their risk as much as possible. The truth is, there are TONS of new and exciting original horror films out there. People just don't pay attention to them.

How many of you guys were clamoring to see Bad Biology? (In my opinion, it was one of the very best horror films of last year.) The answer is, not too many. But everybody stood in line to get tickets for Friday the 13th and My Bloody Valentine.

I'm obviously very sensitive to this subject right now, because I'm just finishing work on a remake of my own (Night of the Demons.) And a totally original film of mine, Autopsy, is coming out on DVD March 31st. Now you can say what you want about the quality of these particular pictures, but the truth is I've gotten infinitely more interest on Demons than I ever had on Autopsy. Small, independent horror movies come and go, and are barely ever noticed. Even films like Martyrs and The Inside don't generate an eighth of the hoopla of Rob Zombie's Halloween redux.

As a filmmaker, I have two main goals: the first and most important is to make the best film I possibly can, one that I would want to see. One that floats my boat, gets me hard, or whatever. In order for me to take a film, my first criteria is "Can I do a good job at it?"

My second goal is to be able to support myself monetarily through my art. I am a terrible salesman, I don't know how to operate a cash register, computers are a foreign device to me...in other words, I lack a lot of skills that would enable me to make a living doing anything other than filmmaking. This is important. I pride myself on being a professional.

So here's the situation: I had just finished Autopsy. I had all the typical feelings: pride coupled with insecurity. I hoped people would like it and I was still wrapping my head around how I truly felt about my directorial debut. I wondered if I'd ever work again. It was at this point that I was approached to direct a remake of Night of the Demons.

Now, I was a big fan of the original. It was one of those horror films that when I saw in the mid-80s it gave me that warm, fuzzy, giddy feeling that you get when watching a truly fun monster movie. Ever since then, it had held a special place in my heart. So my answer was, "Damn straight I'll do it!" As long as I would be allowed to put in some of my own twisted ideas and craft a story that allowed me to relive my early punk rock horror fantasies. I am proud of this, and I am very, very proud of the movie.

Now, there are a lot of purists out there that don't think you should remake ANYTHING, whether it be a Christopher Lee Dracula movie, Zak Snyder's Dawn of the Dead, John Carpenter's The Thing (which, in my opinion, was more faithful to the short story "Who Goes There?" than the original Howard Hawks movie) or even David Cronenberg's The Fly. (Yes, Virginia, these are all remakes.) I'm sorry -- these are all great movies, and without them my life wouldn't be as full as it is today.

Remaking a film is really no different than using a novel or a comic book as source material. They're all just stories to be told on celluloid. I respect people that don't like this trend (the Horror Drunks, for example), but the fact of the matter is that in today's marketplace, this is what sells. So if you're gonna complain about remakes, then please do me a favor. Go out and buy or rent original horror films and write to ShockTillYouDrop, Bloody-Disgusting and Fangoria to cover them. When they do, for God's sake, read the articles. Write emails to the studios and tell them you want more original content. Make up petitions. I guarantee, I'll be the first one to put my signature on it.

And finally, there is not a horror screenwriter I know that doesn't have at least three completely original horror film scripts saved on their computer right now -- whether it be Stephen Susco (The Grudge), Scott Kosar (the Amityville and Texas Chainsaw Massacre remakes), or Hans Rodionoff (Lost Boys 2). We all have original scripts. We just need the studios to make them and the audiences to watch them. So yes -- all of us remakers have original ideas.

Blood, guts and pussy,

Adam G